I would just sit there for literally hours waiting for some sign of him; some sign that maybe he was thinking of me. I would make the littlest things into the biggest deals and I would just wait, and then when I finally did see him, I wouldn't bring myself to say, "Hey." It was like I was trying to prove to him that I'm stronger now and I don't need him to be able to sleep at night and I don't need him to be able to get up out of bed anymore. I mean, there really was a time that I couldn't concentrate on anything but him and those "I dare you" eyes that I couldn't get out of my head. He controlled me. I hardly ever saw him or even talked to him for some times weeks at a time and it had been months since we had been over buthe still controlled my every breathe, my every thought, my every emotion. It was like he was living inside of me and there was nothing I was capable of doing to get rid of him. I would cry and pray to God to let me let him go but something in me wouldn't bring myself to say goodbye. I knew I was never going to be able to go an entire day without wondering how he was doing or what he was thinking of, but what he was thinking didn't matter 'cause I knew that deep down... he wasn't thinking of me, and even if he was... it didn't mean anything anymore. He had proven to me that he didn't need me, and if it was the last thing I ever did, I was going to prove to him that I didn't need him either.
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